Self Confidence, a must learnt skill in Life II

To catalyse our experience at growth we should labour to change and affect our feelings. We should set goals for ourselves that we can easily surmount, in this way we can boost our confidence. We are the best of the pack. We are wired for great things no matter what we are going through, no matter our state of health.
We need the understanding of the following to experience our true self.

Patience     


Growth takes a long time. To be patient is to trust and never give upon the growth process, without making angry demands and expectations or worrying that the seed won’t flourish properly. We usually can’t foresee just how and when our efforts will bear fruits.

Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruits.

One must wait till evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Acceptance

To accept, this is to see clearly and with full awareness the good and bad, suffering and joy, as part of life and to experience life without battling, mostly that things be different or immediately trying to change, fix or get rid of present distress. Acceptance also means we will welcome the world as it is. It does not mean we should not do anything about our pains, distress or adversities. It teaches that we should have a clear mind about them, we should not allow them to push us into anxiety and become burnt out. Anxiety and fears resulting from our reactions makes it difficult for us to see clearly thus find a long lasting solution to our problems. If we can accept our challenges as reality of our world, it becomes easier for us to live a happy life and find solution to our problems.

Compassion


Love heals wound and nurtures growth. Compassion is sorrow over the suffering of others, and a desire to help. We don’t have to wait for people to express it towards us before we show compassion towards ourselves. We can show compassion towards ourselves, when we are faced with problems, that is when we need to show compassion. We must be willing to help others, give and it shall be given to you, it does not have to be money.

Non-attachment


Paradoxically, as we release externals and stop struggling so hard to be something we are not, we gain greater appreciation of who we are. If I insist that I need a certain kind of car in order to be happy, I might be sad if I don’t have it. If I get that car I might fear that it will be damaged or I might become angry if it gets scratched or stolen. So we can practice loosing our grip on what we demand in order to have happiness and self confidence, trusting that we already have every thing we need to be happy or confident.

In India monkeys are caught by attacking a treat-filled coconut to a string. The coconut has a hole large enough for the monkey to insert his open hand. Once the monkey clamps his fist on the banana or sweet meat inside the coconut the fist becomes too large to withdraw. Unwilling to release the grip, the monkey can be easily captured.


We should be very careful not to link our happiness to external stuffs such as money, marriage.

Non-judgement


Does saying mean things motivate us effectively? Or do loving kindness and encouragement work better? A person who puts him or herself down finds it more difficult to rise. It can be quite liberating to realise that we don’t have to over-react to situations by using harsh, punishing judgments that leads to intense negative emotions. We should avoid using such words as I am dumb, I am stupid, I am a failure, if not is should passed my exams.

Life manual taught us not to judge not only others but ourselves. If we notice we are not doing well in one aspect of our lives, we should accept the situation and make plans to perform better when next the opportunity presents itself.

Beginner's mind


This imply an open mind, a learner’s mind, a mind committed to constant and never ending improvement. The mind of a child who is experiencing a some thing for the first time, without overlying expectations or assumptions. Approach problems with a possibility mind, with God all things are possible. Mark 11:23for verily I say unto you, that whoever shall say unto this mountain. Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he sayeth shall come to pass he shall have whatsoever he saith.
We should approach life problem with possibilities, we see ourselves as being surrounded by helpers. We should understand that the universe is interested in our progress.

Good Humour


we should not take life too serious, we should rather enjoy
Life. We should watch event as they play out. Sometimes we may have to become spectator in our own movies, we will realize that our life story is the best seller.

Commitment


It means we will practice the necessary skill even when we don’t feel like it. We have to be committed to staying confident.

Vastness


This attitude helps us to be Calmly aware, without being drawn into harmful judgements about ourselves or the situation we encounter.

Generousity


The generous heart gives from a sense of worth, not a need to prove one’s worth, knowing that one’s giving matters giving can be very simple – a smile, our full attention, patience, allowing people to be just as they are, courtesy, a helping hand, encouragement, food or money – offering what we can, in so far as this does not create undue hardship for ourselves. Sometimes we avoid people who are struggling, fearing that their suffering might contaminate us and drag us down. In so doing we close ourselves off from the joy of giving and loving.
The Yoruba have a saying

if the hunters considers the investment involved in a catching a prey he will not share his spoil with any other

. Giving is empowering, it is healing.


Reference: Bible, 10 simple solutions for
Building self esteem: how to end self-doubt, gain confidence, and create a
Positive self – image by gleam R. Schiralch, PHD.

Self Confidence, a must learnt skill in Life I

I noticed that naturally people without money sometimes lack self esteem. This is demonstrated in their inability to relate with people that has money. Some times what is called inferiority complex. I wonder how they intend to solve their money problem. I am not suggesting hero worshiping or idolatry. What I am saying is that we should be able to approach people we need leverage from. What we need to do is to find out what we are willing to offer in exchange for their help. Once we find out what can be offered we should be bold to approach them.

Self-esteem or Confidence is a realistic appreciative opinion of yourself. Realistic means we are dealing in the truth, being accurately and honestly aware of our strengths, weakness and everything in-between. Appreciative means we have good feelings overall about the person we see.

Our self esteem or self confidence is who we are which is not subject to change. Whether we have a disabilities or we have a social misfit all these does not change who we are. Our feelings does not have any effect on these, it is about how we were made in the image of our creator.

Self-esteem rests upon three building blocks which are;
1. Unconditional Worth.
2. Love
3. Growth

Unconditional Worth – Worth as a person is neither earned nor increased or reduced by external factors such as the way people treat you, bad decisions or fluctuations in your bank account balance.

Psalm 139:14 – “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully, wonderfully made, marvelous are thy works and my soul knoweth right well.”

Unfortunately, that is not the message that is passed across in our society. Our social status sometimes is determined by the kind of car we use, where we work. This practice is what encourages photocopy, when we try to be someone else not ourselves.

Rather we should act out ourselves, which is the movie that will make us the money we need.

Our self confidence should not depend on our performance, health status or social status.

“The culture we have does not make people feel good about ourselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work don’t buy it”

Most times we compete to show our worth, but we don’t have to. No man is worthless. Our core self, our worth represents attributes for living well. This includes capacities to love, think rationally, sacrifice, persevere, beautify, experience beauty and make good decisions. This natural attributes can be fine tuned. That is what God meant when he said we should renew our mind.

Romans 12:1-2 - “I beseech therefore brethren, by the mercies of God that ye presents your bodies a living sacrifice holy, acceptable unto God, your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

External Influence/ World – These things do not change our worth. These are appearance, vitality, health, economic status, gender, race, age , job title, promotions, awards, adversity, relationship, family (marital status), popularity, number of children, school grades, mistakes, moods, jobs or athletic performance, skill levels and control over events. Since the society is preaching a different message, that is why probably in this part of the world we are “title” crazy. That is why life manual advised we should not conform but rather be transformed.

Love
What is love? According to life’s manual “Love is patient, kind, envies not, does not vaunt itself, does not puff, is not rude. Love is selfless and is not easily provoked. She does not keep record of evil, rejoices not iniquity, rejoices in truth. She believes all things, bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

From this we can conclude that love is the attitude that wants what is best for the beloved at each and every moment. A decision and commitment made each day and a skill we can learn. I do not subscribe to the school of thought that suggests that love is of different types such as Agape, Philo etc. Probably because I have not read Hebrew version of the bible. Likewise I will suggest that love is not a feeling, I think it is a conscious daily decision we have to make, it is who we are. I think so strongly it is the building block of all types of relationship, it is not only between a husband and wife, it is the only knot that can bind all relationships.

We must understand that
Human tell lies, they naturally make promises that they cannot fulfill because of their limitations.

Num. 23: 19 “God is not a man, that he should lie neither is he the son of man that he should repent.

Without love it is impossible to relate effectively with one another.

Growth
Growth is a direction, not reaching a destination. It does not imply we will not falter, it means we are committed to becoming a better person. Forgiving ourselves and others so quickly and pushing ahead.