Self Confidence, a must learnt skill in Life II

To catalyse our experience at growth we should labour to change and affect our feelings. We should set goals for ourselves that we can easily surmount, in this way we can boost our confidence. We are the best of the pack. We are wired for great things no matter what we are going through, no matter our state of health.
We need the understanding of the following to experience our true self.

Patience     


Growth takes a long time. To be patient is to trust and never give upon the growth process, without making angry demands and expectations or worrying that the seed won’t flourish properly. We usually can’t foresee just how and when our efforts will bear fruits.

Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruits.

One must wait till evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Acceptance

To accept, this is to see clearly and with full awareness the good and bad, suffering and joy, as part of life and to experience life without battling, mostly that things be different or immediately trying to change, fix or get rid of present distress. Acceptance also means we will welcome the world as it is. It does not mean we should not do anything about our pains, distress or adversities. It teaches that we should have a clear mind about them, we should not allow them to push us into anxiety and become burnt out. Anxiety and fears resulting from our reactions makes it difficult for us to see clearly thus find a long lasting solution to our problems. If we can accept our challenges as reality of our world, it becomes easier for us to live a happy life and find solution to our problems.

Compassion


Love heals wound and nurtures growth. Compassion is sorrow over the suffering of others, and a desire to help. We don’t have to wait for people to express it towards us before we show compassion towards ourselves. We can show compassion towards ourselves, when we are faced with problems, that is when we need to show compassion. We must be willing to help others, give and it shall be given to you, it does not have to be money.

Non-attachment


Paradoxically, as we release externals and stop struggling so hard to be something we are not, we gain greater appreciation of who we are. If I insist that I need a certain kind of car in order to be happy, I might be sad if I don’t have it. If I get that car I might fear that it will be damaged or I might become angry if it gets scratched or stolen. So we can practice loosing our grip on what we demand in order to have happiness and self confidence, trusting that we already have every thing we need to be happy or confident.

In India monkeys are caught by attacking a treat-filled coconut to a string. The coconut has a hole large enough for the monkey to insert his open hand. Once the monkey clamps his fist on the banana or sweet meat inside the coconut the fist becomes too large to withdraw. Unwilling to release the grip, the monkey can be easily captured.


We should be very careful not to link our happiness to external stuffs such as money, marriage.

Non-judgement


Does saying mean things motivate us effectively? Or do loving kindness and encouragement work better? A person who puts him or herself down finds it more difficult to rise. It can be quite liberating to realise that we don’t have to over-react to situations by using harsh, punishing judgments that leads to intense negative emotions. We should avoid using such words as I am dumb, I am stupid, I am a failure, if not is should passed my exams.

Life manual taught us not to judge not only others but ourselves. If we notice we are not doing well in one aspect of our lives, we should accept the situation and make plans to perform better when next the opportunity presents itself.

Beginner's mind


This imply an open mind, a learner’s mind, a mind committed to constant and never ending improvement. The mind of a child who is experiencing a some thing for the first time, without overlying expectations or assumptions. Approach problems with a possibility mind, with God all things are possible. Mark 11:23for verily I say unto you, that whoever shall say unto this mountain. Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he sayeth shall come to pass he shall have whatsoever he saith.
We should approach life problem with possibilities, we see ourselves as being surrounded by helpers. We should understand that the universe is interested in our progress.

Good Humour


we should not take life too serious, we should rather enjoy
Life. We should watch event as they play out. Sometimes we may have to become spectator in our own movies, we will realize that our life story is the best seller.

Commitment


It means we will practice the necessary skill even when we don’t feel like it. We have to be committed to staying confident.

Vastness


This attitude helps us to be Calmly aware, without being drawn into harmful judgements about ourselves or the situation we encounter.

Generousity


The generous heart gives from a sense of worth, not a need to prove one’s worth, knowing that one’s giving matters giving can be very simple – a smile, our full attention, patience, allowing people to be just as they are, courtesy, a helping hand, encouragement, food or money – offering what we can, in so far as this does not create undue hardship for ourselves. Sometimes we avoid people who are struggling, fearing that their suffering might contaminate us and drag us down. In so doing we close ourselves off from the joy of giving and loving.
The Yoruba have a saying

if the hunters considers the investment involved in a catching a prey he will not share his spoil with any other

. Giving is empowering, it is healing.


Reference: Bible, 10 simple solutions for
Building self esteem: how to end self-doubt, gain confidence, and create a
Positive self – image by gleam R. Schiralch, PHD.